margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
