why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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