she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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