The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
