My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize