just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A bitchslap is in order.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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