The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
