we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
