We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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