My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
