a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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