Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
