I must be too annoying 4 u.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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