haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
