Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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