I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
