You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize