Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I understand Curling. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
