In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
