hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
