my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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