Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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