i just made my gag reflex go away.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
