Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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