i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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