I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize