East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I looked at my own cervix.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
