The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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