Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
