Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
