I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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