dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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