I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
