Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
