Slut skills are useful in every country.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
