How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
