I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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