Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
