I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
