I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
