she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
where are my eyebrows?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
