I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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