In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
