cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Someone shit on the floor
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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