No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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