party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
