I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize