oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
