am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
