im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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