So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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