i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
