I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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