idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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