i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
