And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize