O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
