so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize