I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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