I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
