We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
