people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Can I color on your dick again?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
