Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
