the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
