Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
