got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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